Finding My Way Home

I’ve been thinking about this song a lot over the last few months:

Even before I started school I wasn’t hitting home-runs as a dad, especially with my older kids.  The travelling I did (and the work I poured myself into) from 2007-2009 took a toll on my family that I didn’t really grasp for a few years after that.

I’ve spent some time rebuilding things and that’s worked with most of my children, especially the youngest, but not all.  This song always makes me cry because I’m not sure I can believe most days that the failures I’ve sown into some of my sons in particular won’t negatively affect their lives for years to come.  My prayer is that, by God’s grace, each one of my children will find a deep and abiding relationship with the Father who doesn’t fail them, and until then Father’s Day will be bittersweet and filled with regret mixed with hope.

There are so many bad habits ingrained into my thinking, my speaking, my living that get in the way of relationships.  So many of the faults I have that pour problems into the people I care most about.  I want to be a man of prayer, a man who loves, a man who dies for others.  I am not that man.

But I know Him.  And I hope that will be enough, and that my current unbelief will turn into more hope.

Andrew Peterson – You’ll Find Your Way – YouTube.

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